I had the strongest memory of freshman year today as i walked into the downstairs bathroom of the library. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. GROSS. Bathroom? What...that's dirty. But no, it's like this.
I haven't been in that bathroom since well, first semester of last year when I had that eng lol class upstairs. I was brand new. So pure, so naive, definitely innocent and well, adjusting to this newfound place I was suppose to call home for the upcoming year and possibly so on.
I remember walking in to the bathroom many months ago and just staring at myself in the long horizontal mirror in front of the stalls. It's hard to describe exactly how I felt at that precise moment. I wouldn't say I felt complete...no, Id hadn't felt that sense of completeless until well into the end of second semester when my circle of friends had become more of a family and sense of security. You see I never really fit in well during high school and I never got the chance to really make close friends like that and grasp the sort of comfort. It was such a new feeling that it was almost overwhelming. It took me by surprise and by storm and well I kinda lost that part of me where I never allowed myself to depend on people for happiness and comfort and trust. And well, now that I look at it was that overwhelming feeling that helped crush me in the end. Never reliying on anyone and then suddenly relying all the time. The ups and downs, it's intense.
But back to my freshman flashback...
If i had to, I would describe that feeling as being ready. Not knowng what lied ahead, but just being ready to go with it. Ready to fall into the depths of college. And I did. But I fell hard. And I crashed and here I am. But just remembering, getting a taste of that old feeling, the feeling of not knowing, not having any regrets, not caring, just felt refreshing.
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